Unspoken
by toledo girl
Summary: Set during Goodbye Farewell and Amen. Saying goodbye can be one of the hardest things, especially when you have trouble finding the courage to prevent it from happening.


Margaret and Hawkeye stood at the door of her tent as they kissed. It was the morning of their last day in Korea. Of course, the kiss that they were sharing now, was nothing compared to the way that they had said good bye the previous night.

"Good bye Margaret," he said finally pulling away from her embrace.

Margaret stepped back and dazed into his eyes. She didn't him to leave. It amazed her, all this time she had wanted to go home, but, there was nothing to go home to. What did she really have to look forward to? A day to day job working as a nurse in the hospital? Being by herself? At least here she had people that she knew and cared for. She was never alone unless she wanted to be. The only thing that kept her from telling Hawkeye how she felt and how badly she wanted to go home with him was fear. It wasn't too long ago when Donald had hurt her, why get hurt again by something preventable? "How about I'll see you in a little bit?" she asked cracking a tiny smile.

"Okay," he said chuckling. Hawkeye took a last glance at her and then turned to leave.

Margaret stood there and watched as he left. Her heart feeling empty now. "I still have time," she told herself. Looking around the room, her bags were in a pile in the corner of the room closest to the door. In the opposite corner was the table that she had used for a desk. On it sat a nearly empty bottle of champagne and two candles that were almost completely melted away. She sighed and made her way to the old desk and opened the drawer. The only thing still there was a letter.

_Hawkeye,_

_I should start out with the line, 'I just can't believe it.' The war is over and things have changed a lot since I have arrived here. I showed up a stiff and angry army brat who wanted everything by the books to a man who's soul purpose was to get what he wanted and to humiliate as many people as he could in the process. Look at us now. You have eased up on your jokes and are more considerate. I have learned how to be open and that you can't make people just do what you want them to. I guess what I'm saying is that we have both grown. Included would be how we have grown together. From the night you helped me sober up before OR to last night. I guess what I'm really trying to get at, is that I have feelings for you. I don't want to leave you. _

_Love _

_Margaret_

She folded the letter up and slid it into an envelope and sealed it. "Here goes your last chance," she said to herself and then went onto cleaning up the rest of her tent.

After the wedding, Hawkeye noticed that there was nobody over by the jeep that Margaret was using to get over to the 8063rd. Making sure that no one was watching, Hawkeye walked towards the jeep and slightly opened one of her duffle bags and slid in an envelope. After his task was completed, he quickly went over and said good bye to Father Mulcahy and then watched as Margaret made her way to the jeep and sat down. He saw Charles walk over there, but couldn't concentrate on what either of them were saying. He was like that until it was his turn to tell her good bye. Margaret stood there, her eyes longing for him. The envelope was tucked away in her back pocket. As they stood there she wondered whether or not she should give him the letter. Even as they kissed she tossed the thought around in her head.

"Bye," he said backing away from her.

"See ya," she said. She later regretted that, but some how, it made her feel better. It was more like two friends who live across the street say good bye to each other rather than two people who might not ever see each other again. The ride to the new unit was unbearable. All she could do was call herself a stupid coward. That she should tell the driver to turn around. That maybe he's still there. That maybe there's still a chance. But no, she made it on her way to the other unit.

Margaret grabbed her things and took them into the tent that she was staying in. She wasn't about to unpack since she was only going to be there for a couple of days. Lying down on the cot, thoughts of what could have been with Hawkeye went through her head. "Stupid coward," she scolded, "you couldn't even hand him a damn letter."

Upon hearing a ambulance pull up, Margaret got up and went to the door. "What's going on?" she asked as one passed her by.

"Chopper crash, only two men, but I don't think that the one made it," he said.

"What a shame," she said knowing that it must have been some one getting ready to go home.

Some people say that there are moments that can completely turn your life around. Moments that can change the way that you look at situations. This was one of them. "No," she uttered upon seeing the first body taken out of the ambulance. Time seemed to freeze as everything else became nonexistent. Hawkeye lay there lifeless on the stretcher. His face all bruised and bloody. There was no sign of life in him what so ever.

Margaret held back her tears as she rushed back into her tent. "Damn it!" she said walking over to her cot. She threw herself down. There was nothing else to do now. Everything that she wanted to tell him, the time she wanted to spend with him, now gone. Within a few moments, many people's lives have completely changed. His father who was waiting to see him, the people that he worked with. Now, he's gone, and there was nothing that any one could do about it. Margaret sat up and saw the envelope sticking out of her bag. Cautiously, she took the envelope and tore it open to reveal the letter.

"Oh God." the letter was of course, from Hawkeye.

_Dear Margaret,_

_I know no better way to tell you this, and I hope that you wait until you get home to open this. I love you. Simply I love you. I hope that you call me. I don't want you to leave my life ever. Actually, I was hoping that maybe you could come out to Maine and meet my family. They would all love to meet you. Besides, I have a very special surprise planned for you there. _

Slowly bringing her head up, the tears fell from her eyes. "He loved me back," she whispered in shock. "All along, he loved me back. I could have told him and we could have gone home together. He would have taken a different route home and he would still be alive right now," she said.

"And he would have known," she said starting to sob. Before she let herself get completely carried away, she stepped outside only to confirm her thoughts. She saw Hawkeye being picked back up and loaded onto a truck. "He's dead," she said. One of the boys looked back at her and nodded with sorrow in his eyes.

Margaret just stood there and watched as the truck left. Gripping onto the letter she held it up to her chest. Tears streamed down her face. "I love you to Hawkeye," she announced. "I just wish that I could have told you that," she said to herself and then walked back into her tent.


End file.
